Saturday, January 07, 2006
Resolutions
I resolve to:
1.)Never use ten words; or nine words; or any more words than the minimum number, such as one, to convey a thought.
2.)Watch more tv.
3.)Respect others no matter what bone-headed, willfully ignorant, self-serving, stupid, lazy, incompetent, garish, distasteful, hostile, childish, primitive, ill-informed, half-baked, mistaken, and silly products arise from their little minds.
4.)Humbly and gracefully accept criticism no matter how bone-headed, unwise, etc.
5.)Restrain my glee at pointing out how bone-headed, willfully ignorant, etc, etc, the writing, art, music, and so forth beloved by others really is.
6.)Try to take the petty, small-minded, trivial personal concerns of others seriously.
7.)Do more solo drinking.
8.)Take every opportunity to point out errors in spelling, grammar and punctuation in the work of guys who take themselves way too seriously. Respectfully, of course.
9.)Honestly attempt to pay attention, no matter how badly my mind wants to wander, when some idiot attempts to correct my spelling, grammar and punctuation.
10.)Let the little things go.
11.)Get rid of all needless, irritating and annoying redundancy.
12.)Use more semicolons. And italics.
13.)Stop trying to be funny.
14.)Start using fictional quotations from Leviticus to back myself up.
15.)Quit yelling at fathead politicians on tv. No matter how loud I am, I only succeed in waking the kids and making the dog bark.
16.)Lay off the angry letters to Microsoft.
17.)Stop using the cat as a soccer ball.
18.)Use shorter, Anglo-Saxon words in casual conversation. (Who knew Decalogue, epistemology, and counterfactual aren’t part of the average vocabulary?)
19.)Remember the names of my children.
20.)Quit making lists.
